This week, men and their clothes have taken over London for London Collections:Men. It’s been a wonderful few days if, like me, your idea of a good time is a room jam-packed with hairy men wearing well-tailored suits and drinking gin cocktails whilst staring seductively down your camera lens. My favourite moment was walking in to the Thomas Pink presentation on Monday night and seeing 20 very well-dressed men draped over scaffolding, as if being left out to dry in the hot August sun. Oh, and there was a gin-spewing cocktail. I pinched myself, more than once.
As I commented to Pink’s CEO Jonathan Heilbron, 12 of the 20 models were sporting some kind of facial hair. He agreed that beards are taking over the world and commented that he was considering growing his own chin wonder. I salute you, Sir, and greatly encourage this action to be taken immediately, if not sooner.
However, as we well know, not all beards are created equal, so here’s the definitive ranking of the cream of the crop at the Pink show. Warning: may contain brightly-coloured extremely well-made clothing.
8. This moody Adonis
Time it takes to drink two gin cocktails = time it took for me to absorb all the hair on his chin.
7. This zero-fucks-given-here-today God
6. This hide-and-seek playmate
Those silly clean-shaven models were strategically placed either side of him to enhance the beautiful pairing of the yellow braces with the perfectly trimmed beard. It was all to much even for him to bear, which explains why he spent half the night behind the scaffold.
5. This beanie-and-beard bubble of bliss
Very pensive and majestic, like Mufasa looking out from Pride Rock, with the mane to match. Yum.
4. This chatty bro in blue
So much blue, which is the opposite of how you’d be feeling if you spent an hour nuzzling that forest growing from his chin. Sadly I didn’t, so we’ll never know.
3. This lone wolf
This scarlet perfection featured, a bow tie, a pocket square and the most beautifully trimmed facial art I have seen. His jawline was razor sharp, my jaw was on the ground, it was a match made in beardy heaven.
2. This grey-haired groover
He had the press and buyers in the palm of his hand, dancing to the music, mimicking a cry for help and outlandishly posing whenever the flash of a camera caught his eye. Plus, he had some pretty impressive chinwork to draw in the girls. It’s like staring into the fur of a polar bear. I love polar bears.
1. This hairily-dangerous pair
These two were inseparable all evening. They were so close together I couldn’t decide whether they were twins or not – how can I be expected to make such judgement calls with a gin fountain present? Whether they are or aren’t, I loved everything about their moody, perfectly sculpted chinny beauties, especially the moustattitude. Bravo, gentlemen.
Bonus: the scaffold spread-eagle
PSST: If you want some more images of the clothes, GQ’s beautiful slideshow got you covered.
All images © Francesca Peak