Ever wondered how the Eurovision would play out if the countries of Europe based their voting on facial hair, not on who their neighbours or best friends are? We wondered that too. So, in anticipation of next Saturday’s Eurovision final, we trawled through European leaders, found the best contenders, photoshopped their faces onto flags and judged them all to a cheesy Europop number. Like the real Eurovision, it’s long. Unlike Eurovision, it won’t make you to turn to drink or party games to survive the night.