10 foods to avoid when you’ve got a beard

It’s the May Day bank holiday Monday! The day that we rejoice because easter was not too long ago, we get another four day week and another day off just for the hell of it. The sun is set to be in the sky, but hold your horses. Before you head for that BBQ with its reggae reggae sauce slathered wings, check out our 10 foods to avoid when you’ve got a beard. You’ll thank us later…

1. Chicken wings

via food-fire.com

via food-fire.com

Yeah they’re looking at your from across the BBQ, but hold fire. If you eat one of these guys, you’re probably going to be getting the marinade out of you beard until the next bank holiday. Say no to the wings and choose something else. You don’t make friends with salad, but your friends might not want to hang around with you if you’ve got chicken dripping off your face.

Avoid factor: 6/10

2. Corn on the cob

via foodaroundthetrack.com

via foodaroundthetrack.com

These guys will also be looking at you suggestively from across the table. Although pretty darn tasty, not only will you be left with bits of corn between your teeth, but there’s also the risk that butter could turn your pristine beard into a greasy bush.

Avoid factor: 7/10

3. Hamburger

cdn2.blisstree.com

cdn2.blisstree.com

You’ve made it past the chicken wings and the corn, but a BBQ isn’t a BBQ without a nice juicy burger is it?! A word of warning from us: the burger poses multiple problems. Even if you get past the meaty fluids of your patty, you’ll do well to get away without getting any ketchup around your mush.

Avoid factor: 5/10

4. Burritos

via cookingmatters.org

via cookingmatters.org

Take your time over these guys. The numerous loose components of a burrito make them a tricky obstacle to manoeuvre. Even if you get the meat in your mouth, you could end up with sour cream squirting everywhere, salsa falling down your front and the guac. Oh god the guacamole!

Avoid factor: 8/10

5. Pizza

via yeahthatskosher.com

via yeahthatskosher.com

One word. Grease. Two words. Hot cheese. One word. Mess. That is all.

Avoid factor: 7/10

6. Soup

via timesulin.com

via timesulin.com

These hot broths are probably not going to be on a menu this bank holiday, but bear our advice in mind for the colder months. Unless you have terrible hand eye coordination, the only part of your beard the soup will come into contact with is your moustache. Our advice: open your mouth wide.

Avoid factor: 4/10

7. Ice cream

icecreamviadiabetesmine.com

Now we’re talking. We’re onto the best bit of the meal. Dessert. Like the soup, the only part of your facial hair the delicious iced cream should come into contact with is your top lip. All we’re going to say is, if you don’t clean off the debris fast, you’ll end up with sour milk on your face and no one will come near you.

Avoid factor: 7/10

8. Popcorn

via wikimedia.org

via wikimedia.org

Getting those little bits of corn that haven’t quite popped (aka kernels) stuck in your teeth is bad enough. Imagine this and multiply it by 10. The hot butter from the sweet or salty (we have no preference here!) popcorn is going to drip into your beard and your going to be back to corn-on-the-cob-gate all over again. If you have a beard, just stay away from corn-based products.

Avoid factor: 8/10

9. Doughnuts

via coffebreakwithlizandkate.com

via coffebreakwithlizandkate.com

Homer Simpson has a bit of a beard going on and he gets away with eating these bad boys no problem. He is also a cartoon. Unfortunately, IRL, that pink icing will leave your beard looking very feminine (not that that’s a problem!) and you’ll be finding sprinkles for days.

Avoid factor: 6/10

10. Anything with syrup

via peachbasketonline.com

via peachbasketonline.com

Demba Ba loves the stuff. But then again, Demba Ba doesn’t have a beard. This stuff is like super glue. If you’re running low on adhesive then give this stuff a go. Avoid putting it in your beard at all costs, unless you’re intending to cut it off. And why would you want to do that?!

Avoid factor: 10/10 (does this thing go up to 11?!)

via franklampard.tumblr.com

Demba Ba loves syrup via franklampard.tumblr.com

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About charlieallenby

@charlieallenby
This entry was posted in Beard Science, Features and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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